Hello world!

If you’re somehow reading this, welcome to my blog! I’ve never done anything like this before, so bear with me while I stumble my way through the beginnings here.

As much as I hate to admit it, I had a rather chaotic, lonely, unfulfilling year. It definitely wasn’t all bad! I had several great highlights, and I hope to discuss them sometime in a separate post, overall the year left me a bit underwhelmed. I’m sure I grew as a person in some way, but it sure as hell doesn’t feel like it: I’m always tired, my apartment is a disaster, I’m stress-eating like nobody’s business, and my anxiety has hit levels I didn’t even think was possible. And yet, here I still am! I guess I can call that an accomplishment.

I was recently talking with a friend of mine about my 2024 new year’s resolutions, or goals as I’m going to call them from hereon out. This year’s list is a bit hefty, but I spent a lot of time thinking and crafting them this time, so I decided to share them with some family and friends I trust to get a sense of whether they seemed over the top or not. My friend suggested I document my progress in some way, and I scoffed at the idea at first, but eventually I conceded that maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea. It helps motivate me if I feel like I’m making some headway, you know what I mean?

I toyed with the idea of taking some pictures and keeping a personal journal, but the latter has never, ever worked for me in the long term. Knowing me, I’d buy one and then toss it to the side as soon as I got home and forget about it until about three months later, at which point I will have inevitably dropped all my goals and started the pattern all over again. However, I really wanted this time to be different. I feel really amped up about my goals this year, and since it helps to have a community of people to encourage and give me strength along the way. Thus, the idea of this blog was born.

Do I think anyone would be interested in this? Honestly, I don’t know. But eventually my hope is that if I, an extremely ordinary woman with extremely ordinary problems, can make goals and stick to them for once, then maybe others will start to feel confident that they can feel the same. I will be trying to give some tips along the way if I am able to, and also share tips that others have posted as well.

With all that in mind, here are this year’s goals that I’ve laid out for myself:

I wanted to start my list with something simple. By “simple” I don’t mean to imply that it will come easily at all, especially for me! But out of everything on my list, this is the goal that is probably the most immediately actionable.

I have too much stuff. Not a unique problem by any means, but every time I clean or even just look around my apartment at any given moment, I get overwhelmed by the sheer amount of things that I have. These are all things I’ve collected over the last three decades of my life, whether they’re sentimental tokens from my childhood or stuff I’ve bought from the store. I cannot tell you how many times I have gone to the big box stores over the years and walked out having bought things I just tossed into my cart without even taking a second to think about. Sometimes I even leave without buying the main thing I had gone for. This stuff has added up so fast. I feel like I’m drowning in stuff.

Don’t get me wrong — I’m definitely not at a hoarding stage! But the mindless spending has gotten out of control over the last year, and it’s having a very negative impact on my bank account. I’ve had a problem with this for a while (see Goal #2 below) but I’ve started getting anxiety whenever I even think about checking the balance on my bank account. This needs to end.

I feel like a good start would be to purge all the excess items that I have. Get rid of the things that are broken/don’t work, but that I somehow haven’t tossed yet. Donate all the clothes I don’t wear. Empty the multiple(!) junk drawers. Break down and recycle all the cardboard boxes that are holding things I haven’t unpacked since I moved THREE YEARS AGO. I can go on, but you get the idea. Also, just listing even those things is honestly pretty embarrassing.

I feel like it will be cathartic to rid myself of all the things I don’t need, but I already know that some stuff will be harder to part with than others.

For this, I’m specifically referring to clothes and shoes. Buying clothes is a HUGE vice of mine. I get such a thrill paging through online shops and dreaming of the amazing outfits I could put together. But do they ever come to fruition? Hell no. I hang them up next to the rest of the clothes I don’t wear and rarely put it on.

This is why my closet has gotten completely out of control, especially over the past year. I’ve made a couple of attempts to get rid of the clothes I don’t need, but many more still remain.

I don’t need any more clothes. I already have plenty. I want to take the time to appreciate what I actually have versus what I wish for, so I’m going to make an effort to put together outfits from the things that I have and not dwell on what they could be. I want to commit to this for the entire year.

I can already feel the dread seeping in, but I’m dead serious. I have no more room for them. My bank account can’t afford them. Buying them brings me instant gratification, and I get excited all over again when the package arrives, but then when I hang them in my closet the feelings almost instantly dissipate. I can’t maintain this anymore.

I’ve been watching some of Hannah Louise Poston’s YouTube videos on her no-buy year. Hers is a little more strict in that she’s also limiting her makeup, skin care, and home good purchases. But my main vice is clothes as I don’t wear a lot of makeup these days, am not super into skin care stuff, and haven’t bought any home goods in a while. I’ve linked her full playlist above — I highly recommend checking them out if you’re thinking of doing something similar for yourself! Based on her videos and some of the rules she set for herself, I’ve come up with some possible exceptions for myself:

1. If one of my items of clothing tears and it is beyond repair/wearing, I am allowed to replace that item IF I do not have anything else in my closet similar to it.
2. I can receive gifts from others, but I will not specifically ask others to buy me clothes.
3. If I receive a gift card for a store that I like, I will save it and use it to replace an item of clothing that becomes unusable based on rule #1.
4. I am allowed to buy socks. I am always losing socks. Where they go, I do not know, but to this day they continue to elude me. But if I reach the point where I’ve lost enough socks that I need to buy more, I will buy a single pack at most, and with no patterns — only plain black or plain white.
5. If, and only if, I am invited to a special event that has a strict dress code and I truly do not have anything in my closet that meets the dress code, I am allowed to purchase something to fit. I’m thinking along the lines of like a bridesmaid’s dress, or for some very formal event, as I am not someone who owns many fancy clothes.
6. Sometimes I like to go to concerts, and I like to buy band t-shirts or hoodies. If I’m seeing a band for the first time OR I don’t have any merch from the band that fit me, I can buy one item. But only one!

I am not going to make up any excuses to try and loosely fit the rules I outlined above. I will be as strict as possible, because I know if I give myself any sort small leeway everything will crumble. No “But that shirt is sooooo cute!” or “I’ve been really good so far, I’ll have a cheat day” kind of mentality. I have to go big, or I’m literally going to go broke.

I cannot tell you how many times I went to Taco Bell last year. There are THREE on the road between my apartment and work. That’s just mean. I mean, I obviously did it to myself as I picked my apartment, but we’ll pretend that’s not true so I can lament on how unfair it is.

I recently signed up for a weekly meal kit so I will only need to go to the grocery store for things like lunch meat, bread, milk, butter, etc. So far the meals have been pretty easy to make, even for me, someone who is always exhausted when I get home despite working a desk job — it really drains me mentally sometimes. Anyway, eating out so much has also eaten (get it?) into my bank account, so it’s another thing I need to greatly reduce this year if I want to improve my financial situation.

The only exception I’m giving myself on this is that if I go on vacation to visit family or take time off to host family or friends in town, I am allowed to go out to eat without worry. I’m not about to sit at a restaurant and wistfully watch others eat in front of me while trying to ignore how loud my stomach is growling. If I’m on vacation, I’m going to have fun! But I’ll try to suggest cooking at home when possible, assuming the possibility exists.

I know that this one seems a little less specific than the others so far, but that was intentional. I definitely want to start going to the gym again! I have a membership, but haven’t gone in a while. I specifically want to carve out two days a week where I reserve some time to go to the gym. I’m thinking Wednesdays and Saturdays, but I may change my mind later.

The reason I gave myself more of a range (1-2 instead of just one) is to account for some of the “growing pains” I tend to encounter when I start going. My main goal is to shoot for two days. I’m planning on giving myself a little more grace on this one because sometimes shit just happens! If I get sick, or (like recently) the weather isn’t playing nice, I’m obviously not going to go. If I hurt myself or am otherwise still kind of sore from my last session, maybe I’ll find something I can do at home to compensate. I can’t let myself get too upset if something comes up that means I can’t go, I just have to resolve to continue as planned the next week. Easier said than done, I know.

Finally, a fun one!

I’ve always said that I’m not a good baker because I have zero patience for baking. I really like to cook, and part of the reason why I like it is that often times the recipes are more like guidelines — I can change it up to add/remove the things that I want and not have to measure as exactly, and the food will still come out wonderfully. That’s not to say that I never follow the recipes, it’s mainly that it’s a lot easier to get creative with a dish and adapt it to my taste.

Baking is a bit of a different beast. The measurements in baking need have the correct amounts/ratios, and there’s some slight chemical knowledge you need to know if you want to experiment with changing up existing recipes. I’ve made some homemade baked goods before, but mostly I tended to stick to boxed brownie and cake mixes, or the Tollhouse chocolate chip cookie recipe (no shame there, it’s always been delicious!). Recently, I’ve been watching a lot of The Great British Baking Show, Food Network’s Holiday Baking Competition, and general baking shows and YouTube videos, so I guess I fell down a rabbit hole of sorts. But it got me thinking, “I liked science when I was in school, and I like baking to a certain extent. Why couldn’t I learn?”

I’m not trying to go out and become a pastry chef, but I do want to take it up as a hobby and start learning (and remembering, obviously) the science of baking. I also think that this will do wonders for my mental spirit — I think that giving myself something to really concentrate on will improve my focus and attention to detail, and will also give me something to dive into to divert some of the anxious thoughts that sometimes run through my head. I really hope that it doesn’t backfire and give my anxiety a new topic though.

I compiled a large list of all the baking items I’d like to conquer someday. I’m planning on starting very small and basic, and then slowly working my way to more complex items as I gain more confidence and knowledge — I’m not trying to make croissants or macarons right from the get-go. I plan on taking lots of pictures along the way, but I don’t have a fancy camera or photography skills, so bear with me on some of them.

Expanding back a little on Goal #2 above, I’m sure I don’t have every single baking item known to man when I do eventually get onto baking. If I truly need something, I will buy it, otherwise I will not be purchasing anything. I don’t need to be replacing my shopping addiction with a baking supplies addiction LOL.

The end?

If you’re somehow still reading this, I sincerely thank you! I don’t know this journey will go from here — and I’m hoping my blog skills improve a bit from here — but if nothing else, I’m committed to posting. Maybe I’ll see you along the way?